Beeb vs. Boob: Sean Spicer Watch

Spicey gets the “spank inferno” treatment from British interviewer

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Queen Elizabeth Plans for Trump Visit

donald-trump-queen-elizabeth-ii-funny

Queen Elizabeth II: Must I luncheon with that horrible man Donald Trump?

Private Secretary: I’m afraid, Your Majesty, that the worst has happened. He has arrived in Windsor and expects to be in your company this very day.

Queen Elizabeth II: Humph!!! Well, I may luncheon with him, but I shan’t serve him tea.

Private Secretary: But Your Majesty, without the ‘T’ you would only be luncheoning with a Rump!

Queen Elizabeth II: Could I use my body double? The one made out of Eton collars and fermented dishrags?

Private Secretary: He might catch on — but then again he might not…

Queen Elizabeth II: So be it! And don’t forget to switch on the antiquated Google voice, the one that sounds like Wilfrid Hyde-White.

Private Secretary: I always thought it sounded like Piglet getting a tonsillectomy.

Queen Elizabeth II: Make him a quick in-and-out job, and remember to count the spoons afterward.

Private Secretary: Yes, Your Majesty.

Queen Elizabeth II: And don’t let him lean on the furniture, or shed any of that awful hair.

Private Secretary: No, Your Majesty.

Queen Elizabeth II: Do you suppose he’ll want to use the — er, facilities?

Private Secretary: I imagine that’s always a possibility.

Queen Elizabeth II: Well if he does use the facilities, I want everything scrubbed clean.

Private Secretary: Yes, Your Majesty.

Queen Elizabeth II: Just can’t bear the thought of a man like that using the facilities.

Private Secretary: No, Your Majesty.

Queen Elizabeth II: Do you suppose we could put an out-of-order sign on the facilities?

Private Secretary: I’m afraid, Your Majesty, that it would not be seemly.

Queen Elizabeth II: What about putting fly paper on the urinals? Would that be seemly?

Private Secretary: Definitely not, Your Majesty!

Queen Elizabeth II: Pity. Just checking.

Michael Howard

The views expressed are my own, and do not represent any other person or organization.

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Scott Pruitt Epitaph

Like bad meat, the freshness date on Scott Pruitt’s tenure as EPA chief has finally expired. This epitaph rings true in more ways than one:

Though Pruitt had something of a reputation as a chicken-plucker, ironically it’s Rudy Giuliani who’s now running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Apparently, Mueller has to prove he’s not a Blue Fairy from Fairyland before Trump will deign to sit down with him for an interview. Would love to see Mueller let fly with a subpoena!

Michael Howard

The views expressed are my own, and do not represent any other person or organization.

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