A speech in Waco, a new TV interview, an old defense in the Stormy Daniels saga, and some scathing parody pics of the former president
He’s baaaaack! Donald Trump recently returned from Waco, Texas, where his campaign speech was laden with the gentle remonstrance and appeals to sense and sensibility which have so endeared him to the American people.
Donald Trump in the style of Charles Addams, by Michael Howard and Stable Diffusion
Upon his departure, residents of that fair metropolis unveiled a statue so subtle in its characterization, yet so vast in proportion, that Trump may be able to espy it even from the dormer windows of a state-run hotel (perhaps with the aid of opera glasses):
Donald Trump in the style of Henry Moore, by Michael Howard and Stable Diffusion
Not content to rest on his laurels (or should one say “haunches”?), Trump appeared Monday night on Fox News as a guest of Sean Hannity, who proceeded to grill him in merciless prosecutorial fashion — NOT! In reality, it was more like your mom prompting you not to make a fool of yourself during a viva voce examination, with Hannity as the mom whispering corrections.
Seemingly confused, Trump said he got rid of NATO. (Maybe he meant Plato? Or perhaps NAFTA?) In an “everything old is new again” vein, Trump also rehabbed his moth-eaten claim that he had no relationship with adult film star Stormy Daniels, and knew nothing about the hush money payments made to her by his then lawyer, Michael Cohen. This rang alarm bells, as it was the old “Michael Cohen going rogue” defense that Trump had ponied up back in mid-2018. As I wrote at the time in “Drain the Swamp or Pad the Reptile Fund?”:
I would venture to guess that while Trump and associates have never had much to do with draining swamps, padding the reptile fund is quite their style! This issue heated up on April 5 [2018] when, aboard Air Force One, President Trump was asked a series of probing questions about the Stormy Daniels matter by AP reporter Catherine Lucey and others. At first, Trump seemed willing to answer; but when asked if he had ever set up a fund of money that his attorney could draw from, Trump suddenly became tongue-tied:
The notion of a slush fund is popular among some people trying to make sense of the scanty facts available in the Daniels matter. Maybe Trump’s attorney Cohen — who is known as a 24/7 “fixer” for Trump — had standing orders to pay off any women who might make trouble just before the 2016 election, with the understanding that Cohen would be reimbursed later — perhaps when Trump was no longer in office, and perhaps through some byzantine series of LLCs covertly funded by billionaires, either in the U.S. or much farther East…
The “standing orders” theory would explain how Cohen could be doing what Trump wanted done without Trump knowing the specifics. It’s an arrangement which would give Trump plausible deniability, while also to some extent shielding Cohen from the charge that he was acting without consulting his client. If Cohen’s client Trump had issued standing orders to pay hush money to blackmailers or potential writers of “true confession” stories, this might shield both men from some (but not all) potential charges.
Under the standing orders theory, Cohen’s agreed-upon role would be to be the fixer and take the hit for anything that might be deemed unlawful. For example, if the money paid to Stormy Daniels is eventually construed to be an illegal campaign contribution, then Cohen would be the one to take the rap (if any). But Cohen would expect that Trump would eventually see him right. After all, Cohen supposedly knows where “all the bodies are buried” in the metaphorical Trump haunted house. Trump may stiff people right and left, but Cohen probably assumes that Trump wouldn’t permanently stiff him.
The “standing orders” plus “plausible deniability” theory manages to explain something which other theories don’t: Namely, how could Donald Trump possibly not know about the Stormy Daniels payoff? Under this theory, it’s Michael Cohen’s job to handle it himself and make sure Trump has no specific knowledge of it, keep it away from him, shield him from it.
Cohen might have access to an official, unofficial, or even improvised reptile fund to pay off women like Daniels. He might even use funds from his own home equity line to make the $130,000 payment (if that claim made to CNN is true), fully expecting to be made whole by Trump in the distant future.
A New York Times article describes Cohen as Trump’s “aggressive spokesman and lieutenant who would take on the real estate mogul’s antagonists,” likening Cohen’s role to that played by Roy Cohn for Trump decades earlier.
Cohen’s role as fixer and cutout man is not a traditional lawyer-client relationship to be sure; but it is a relationship that might be worked out between two longtime business partners who are veterans of many shady deals or operations where things need fixing, and who both understand the role which each man needs to play, and the type of public denials which each man needs to issue. Imagine a brief, hypothetical conversation between Cohen and Trump which goes something like this:
Cohen: Someone came to the candy store.
Trump: Really? Did you give them candy?
Cohen: I had to. It was a Stormy night.
Trump: Thanks, I owe you one.Slush funds and cutout men are hardly unknown in the world of Washington politics. During the Nixon administration, Nixon’s personal lawyer Herbert W. Kalmbach recruited private detective Tony Ulasewicz to be the “bagman” who delivered cash to Watergate burglars in order to buy their silence.
In our topsy-turvy world, those who have studied the law or worked in law enforcement are sometimes used to find creative ways to skirt the law. Bagman Ulasewicz was a retired NYC police detective. According to the above-linked Times article, “The [Watergate] hearings turned more sober when Mr. Ulasewicz acknowledged that his bagman role was part of a criminal enterprise.”
Claims that Trump “threw Cohen under the bus” in his Air Force One comments to reporters are not consistent with the theory propounded here. Rather, it would be Cohen’s role in this kabuki drama to accept the blame for paying off Daniels, thus shielding Trump — willingly participating in Trump’s implied defense that Cohen had gone rogue.
Fast forward to late March 2023, and we find Trump speculating to Hannity that Cohen might have made the payments to Daniels as a way to “ingratiate himself” to Trump (but without Trump’s knowledge, of course). So we’re back to the “Cohen going rogue” defense. Everything old is new again!
In retrospect, we now know much more about the Stormy Daniels matter than we did in mid-2018. We know, for example, that Trump did eventually reimburse Cohen for the payoff to Daniels, and that Trump disguised the reimbursement as a structured payment for legal services, with no mention of Daniels.
We also know that Cohen went to prison in connection with the Daniels payoff. According to Politico, “Trump himself was implicated in the campaign finance crimes, with prosecutors saying he directed Cohen in hush money payments designed to sway the 2016 presidential election.” As the AP clarifies here:
Federal prosecutors infamously referred to Trump as “Individual-1” in charging Cohen with skirting campaign contribution rules by arranging six-figure payments to Daniels and [Karen] McDougal, a former Playboy model, to keep them quiet about years-old affairs that Trump consistently denied.
The investigation turned up evidence that Trump himself had been aware of the payments, despite his initial public claims he knew nothing about them, including a recording in which he can be heard speaking to Cohen about efforts to buy McDougal’s continued silence.
Prosecutors said “Individual-1” directed Cohen to make the payments, which they said should have been subject to campaign finance laws because they were made for the purpose of helping Trump win the election.
Trump’s lawyers maintained during his presidency that he was shielded from prosecution while in office, raising questions about his legal exposure following his tenure — and even the prospect he would preemptively pardon himself.
In the real world, Donald Trump is “Individual-1,” now lacking presidential shielding. But on Earth 2 (the location from which Fox News broadcasts), facts and evidence are things to be scoffed at. Hannity et al. are still singing from the Narcissist’s Hymn Book, codependently intoning: “He didn’t do it. And if he did, it wasn’t that bad. And if it was, that’s not a big deal. And if it is, that’s not his fault. Hallelujah!”
In this alternate universe, Trump is the victim twice over: victimized by Stormy Daniels for an affair he didn’t have, and victimized by Michael Cohen, who wrongfully paid hush money to Daniels without Trump’s knowledge or consent. As Twilight Zone creator Rod Serling once remarked, “The bull is off the nickel.” Or maybe it’s just a case of “voodoo legalistics”:
That Voodoo that Trump Does So Well, by Michael Howard and Stable Diffusion
The stage is set for a possible scenario in which Trump is running for president while facing multiple indictments in multiple jurisdictions. It’s a particularly manic phase for the ex-president, who alternates between apocalyptic rage and blasé scorn when facing the public or the press.
Donald Trump defies the gravity of his legal entanglements, by Michael Howard and Stable Diffusion
Whatever ensues, Trump is likely to continue to dominate the headlines — though, according to the Columbia Journalism Review he really shouldn’t. An article by Jon Allsop points out that Trump has a perverse talent for overriding the function of assignment editors and forcing the media to make him the center of attention, even when a dozen other stories of greater cosmic significance beckon. The media got punk’d by Trump last week when he arbitrarily announced that he would be arrested on Tuesday — which never happened, but did put everyone on “Trump arrest watch” for the duration (exactly what Trump wanted).
Michael Howard
The views expressed are my own, and do not represent any other person or organization.
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